Jokes

[Caprice]

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an 18-year old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a rabbit sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the rabbit fell dead. What do you think of that?"

The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else killed that rabbit."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

[Nemesis]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

[mnayra]

Envoyé par Nemesis

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

heyla

[Nemesis]

I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to me, "Congratulations sir, you’re the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife’s room.

About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith’s wife has just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company."

The gentleman that was sitting next to me then got up and started to leave. When I asked him why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."

[tahfouna]

i would also go

[Nemesis]

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.
The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.
When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat.
The bartender shook his head and walked back inside. He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.
The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.
"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.
"That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

[Caprice]

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oool

[Nemesis]

Envoyé par Caprice

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oool

I ve laughed a lot too lol

read this one

Two guys were in a bar watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge that was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the Jim.

"Bet you $10 he won't," replied Bob. Then, the guy on the television closed his eyes and threw himself off the bridge. The second guy hands the first his money.

"I can't take your money," said Jim. "I cheated you. The same story was on the five o'clock news."

"No, no. Take it," said Bob. "I saw the five o'clock news too. I just didn't think the guy was dumb enough to jump again!"

[Nemesis]

Three women escape from a penitentiary.
A brunette, a redhead and a blonde. They run for miles and finally come to a barn, they decide to hide in some potato sacks. An hour later a sheriff and his deputy arrive at the barn. The sheriff tells his deputy to check the sacks.
He kicks the first sack with the brunette in it. "Bow-wow!" says the brunette. "There's a puppy in this one!" says the deputy.
So he kicks the second sack which the redhead in hiding in. "Meow!" says the redhead. "Sheriff there's a kitty in this one!"
So he goes to the third sack with the blonde and kicks the sack. Nothing. So he kicks it a second time.
The blonde replies, "Potatoes!"

[sassouna]

A lawyer, an engineer and a mathematician were called in for a test.

The engineer went in first and was asked, ''''What is 2+2?'''' The engineer thought awhile and finally answered, ''''4.''''

Then the mathemetician was called in and was asked the same question. With little thought he replied, ''''4.0''''

Then the lawyer was called in, and was asked the same question. The lawyer answered even quicker than the mathematician, ''''What do you want it to be?''''