Court Jokes - real courtroom sayings

[Anoushka]

These are from a book called "Disorder in the Court." These are things
people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm
while these exchanges were actually taking place.


Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
__________________________________________________ __________________

Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?

__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
__________________________________________________ _________________

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up! also?
__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

__________________________________________________ _________________

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
__________________________________________________ __________________

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.

__________________________________________________ __________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere

[Aychu]

I like the replies of the doctor ...
it sounds really funny ...

pitty that we don't have the replies of the juge when the doctor was like
" he was sitting on the table wondering why i was performing an autopsy"
... he must have felt kind of stupid i guess !!

[lost]

Anouska,your jokes are really funny .can we get more?

[Bleach]

Well, imagine if the doctor said the "practicing law somwhere" sentee to a tunisian judge, that will sound less funny.......

Love those quotes, clap clap clap.